Maya Angelou wrote "If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."
Sometimes I find myself wandering about what life lessons I am teaching my children. I would like to think that years from now, looking back they could smile and say, "My parents thought me that".
I hope one of the things they would learn is that change is good. Daring to move is great. Sometimes that change would take you to where you want to be, sometimes it won't, and there is value to be found in that too:
Stop, recalculate, reevaluate, trust that you will find your way.
This past year was filled with changes for us as a family, the biggest one being leaving the city and heading out to a small rural community. It impacted our life in so many ways, all for the better. We leaped into this change, believing we were doing the right thing, despite having to make some compromises – being further away from our families, moving into a smaller house, taking the kids away from their friends.
Two years ago we were drowning under the logistics of day to day life. On the surface all was good. We were living in a beautiful big house, we had good jobs, the kids were healthy and well. But looking closely - I became a virtual hermit, conserving what little energy I had for my family, drifting away from my friends. My outdoorsy husband developed back pains and suddenly couldn’t find the time or the will to do things he loved like surfing and cycling. The kids were good, but despite having a huge fenced back yard, they spent most of their time indoors in front of screens which drove me crazy. All this things we thought were important turned out not to be right for us.
But yesterday, Saturday morning, I was sitting outside, the winter sun was warm and bright, drawing us all out, the kids were playing around, I was reading, My guy was playing his guitar, I raised my head and realized how peaceful we all were. I was breathing freely, enjoying that moment of being still. And I couldn’t help thinking – how different things are now.
"I've been afraid of changin' 'Cause I've built my life around you" –sings Steve Nicks (Fleetwood Mac) and it's true – We build our lives around constants and it's hard to break away from them even when they feel wrong.
We all, at some point in our life, choose to follow the "better the devil you know" method and understandably so. Leaping into the unknown is a lonely thing. There's no assurances, no safety net. We are supposed to have a life plan, a route to follow, we go to school, we go to college, get a job, move up the ranks, find a partner, buy a house etc.
But what happens if the route we started following early on, suddenly feels like a dead end? Sometimes we hold on to all that is anchoring us while missing the fact that the anchor is keeping us safe but also preventing us from progressing and moving forward. I hope my kids grow up to trust their instincts, to be brave and choose a different path if the one they're on doesn’t feel right any more. Change can be a blessing whether it's changing something you don't like or changing an attitude.
And in the words of my favorite lady:
"We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be." Jane Austen